No.. this would not be a porno or a delerious or demented post with regards to what the title suggests. It so happens to be teh title of a book I caught a glimpse of at the counter while a lady was buying it at the Logan airport the day before. She saw me staring at the book astonished and bewildered and walked away briskly with the book. Women!
Moving on to more uninteresting topics, my current project is finishing the book "The Shroud of the Thwacker". It is amazingly funny and is making my life at the shit-pot a lot easier.
Have been slipping up on my work lately cause of reason unknown and which I want to find out soon. 4 days of holidays and I plan to save the world and make cold fusion happen in this time! Yes I am! Its finally going to snow today and life as usual sucks. 20 mroe days for the damn sem to get over eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaw! and after that one more begins! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!
It was his first time speaking before a gathering. He could see just a handful people in front of the stage built just an hour ago. But still, he was speaking publicly at campus square! He realized he was nervous and the sweat trickling down his leg confirmed this. This was his time. For the briefest of moments, he felt like the most confident person on the face of earth and that he could command the undivided attention of those listening to him. He tapped the mike gently to test if was working and spoke:
“Friends, countrymen, engineers! The time has come. We have gathered here to witness our dream becoming a reality. A dream that has united us, and a dream for which we have been united. A dream that was more important than each of us. A dream that will affect each of our lives, night and day, henceforth. What we have been wanting for decades has finally become a reality. Henceforth, every student here shall be able to buy luxury class premium condoms anytime of the day on any day of the week at the campus store! We shall no more be held down by the bonds of unsafe sex…”
“For Christ’s sake, shut the fuck up Dick! I asked you to test the mike, not blow your ass off in front of it”, shouted Chris standing beside the amplifier unit.
Damn! He had not noticed Chris arriving. Things have been difficult for the entire team since Chris took over as the event-coordinator. His predecessor, Eric, was much more easy to work with. Chris was a total pain in the ass. He wanted everything to be “perfect” and kept his subordinates on a tight leash. What Richard hated most about him was that when he called him Dick, it was as though he really meant it. He hated him. Richard wished Eric to return back from his vacation earlier than planned. He never planned on being an electrician and didn’t enjoy working as one. He would have to change jobs soon.
He checked his watch. It was finally lunchtime and he was famished. All he had since morning was a couple of cokes he got free from the college canteen even though the doctor told him to stop having them. McDonald’s was right around the corner and he decided to find his salvation there. It was getting colder by the day and his flimsy jacket was doing a good job of keeping away the cold. He stuck his hands deep inside his pockets and walked to the burger joint only to find that there was a big queue at the counter.
Shit! He quickly joined the queue and counted nine people in front of him. Twenty minutes would be a good approximate of his wait time for his turn at the counter. He heard some noise behind him and realized that two middle-aged ladies and a kid joined the queue behind him. The two ladies were conversing in Spanish and he was thankful to God he didn’t understand the language. The kid was looking at the Knick’s logo on the back of his jacket and tugging at its lower end. He tried to ignore him. He was a cute kid though. Six may be seven years old. Blissful age!
Ten minutes later, with just two people ahead of him, he was quickly browsing the menu. That’s when it happened.
“Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”
Damn! He couldn’t believe it was happening! Not here, not now! Oh God! And then it happened again.
“Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”
Bloody fuck! He started passing gas again. He had been having this “fart-stroke” for some years now. He would start farting out of nowhere and do it continuously for like 15 minutes. The doc told him it was due to his excessive consumption of soda and he should stop all carbonated drinks. His friends had nicknamed it has “Dick’s fart-ups”. He had been abstaining from sodas and avoiding public embarrassments for some time now but...
He shouldn’t have had those cokes in the morning.
“Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”
Shit!! God please stop this.
“Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”
He took a deep breath, tried squeezing his but cheeks shut as much as possible. One, two, three and
“Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”
Crap! This is not good. He was thinking what he could do and then he suddenly remembered! The kid who was right behind him. Oh God! He turned back looked down at the kid. The boy was staring at his back and looked as if his toy was just stolen by elves and had an almost anemic face. He smiled at the kid and asked him “Hey young fella! You OK?”
And then there was the “Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”.
He shouldn’t have had those cokes in the morning.
The kid looked bewildered for a split second and “waaaaaaa…”, he started crying. The mom stopped speaking to her friend and looked at him, looked at the kid, looked at him again and spoke like a Hispanic tigress guarding her cub “Hey meester! You messin wit ma keed?”
“No mam! I….I wouldn’t do anything to upset you boy. Eh...excuse me ”.
He moved away from the kid as far away as possible. The person ahead of him got his BigMac and moved on and it was his turn at the counter. The person at the counter was a black woman in her late twenties and looked busy.
“Good afternoon, Sir. What would you like to have today?”, she almost rapped.
“Eh…I would like a happy meal and a ‘Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’ fries to go with it please”. Shit!! He hoped to god she didn’t hear him and would throw some food at him so that he could run away from the joint.
He shouldn’t have had those cokes in the morning.
The woman didn’t seem to notice or feel the turmoil in the atmosphere. Thank you Father in heaven. I am going church this Sunday!
“We don’t sell those fries anymore sir. We got regular ones though. Would you like regular fries?”.
“Yes, I would like the ‘Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’ fries please”.
This time around, she had a puzzled look on her face and was looking doubtful.
“Would you like to biggy-size them?” she dared to ask.
“Prrrrr”.
He didn’t even bother to answer this time and tried to smile. The woman was scanning the counter for paper napkins, found them, grabbed one of them, and held it to her nose.
He shouldn’t have had those cokes in the morning.
“Six dollars. Cash or credit?” She was looking scared now.
“Prrrrr”. He had the money ready in his hand.
“For here or..”
“Prrrrr”. She understood it as togo. He was still smiling and nodded.
“Your order will be ready soon. Please step aside”. It was not a request.
He stepped as far away from the counter as possible. His order arrived with lightning speed and he fled from the place not looking back.
